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Waiting for the Morning to Come

March 29, 2014

Five months ago today my mom went to be with Jesus and four months ago my sister Jo Ann joined her. The weeping hasn’t stopped. There have been times when a certain memory has caused tears to come into my eyes.

I try very hard when I’m around people to hold back the tears. I know that people are busy and have problems of their own. I also know from firsthand experience how awkward it can be to comfort a grieving person. The attempt to say just the right thing is difficult.

Now that I’m on the other side, I understand that the spoken word isn’t always necessary. There are times when a hug, email or a card can make all the difference.

Oh how I long for the morning to come. David wrote in Psalm 30:5 …….weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. David wasn’t clear on how long the night would last.

To endure means you bear or survive a hardship. This word explains exactly what I’m doing. I’m surviving with the hope that JOY cometh in the morning!

Donna Snapp

Now What?

I write this blog hoping it will be of some help to those who are going or have gone through deep grief.

Many of you know what it feels like to wake up one day and you are the only one left in your household. For those who have not experienced this feeling I ask you to use your imagination.

Imagine that everyone in your household has died, except you. Hopefully you have people around you for support and comfort.

The time will come though when the outpour of support will lessen or come to an end. Then you realize that this is real, it’s not a dream.

Now what? You have many things you must deal with. Should you move or not move. If you own your home the question of whether you should sell or not sell. In some cases that decision may be made for you based upon your financial situation. Remember, you not only lost everyone in your household, but you lost their financial support as well.

Now what? Many people are telling you not to make any major decisions for at least a year. You say to yourself, that’s okay, I’m finding it hard enough to decide what to cook for dinner or even if I will eat dinner.

Now what? There are many things that you once shared with other family members that you must learn to take care of yourself. You are learning or trying to learn how to shop and cook for just one person. The duties such as cleaning, repairs and maintenance are on your shoulders.

I don’t have to imagine the above scenario; I’m living it every day. Yes, things have changed and I can’t say I know the answer to the question “Now What?”

I remember many times Jo Ann mentioned the song they had sung at her eighth grade graduation.  Below is that song:

You’ll Never Walk Alone
by Rodgers & Hammerstein

When you walk through a storm
Keep your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark.

At the end of the storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart

And you’ll never walk alone. You’ll never walk alone. 

 

My faith in God has helped me understand that tomorrow isn’t promised to me and that He is always with me. He is not just watching as I travel on this road of life but he is walking with me. In some cases he is carrying me.

……I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. Hebrews 13:5-6 

I’m posing the question, “Now What?” to God and I must trust His answer.

Donna Snapp

When the Tears Flow

I had a doctor’s appointment this week for a checkup. When I walked into the office the tears began to flow. This was the doctor’s office that Jo Ann and I had taken Mom to in the past. Sitting in that office brought back to my mind all of those memories.

Memories are good, they can bring joy, but they can also cause the tears to flow.

My doctor, who is a Christian and understands the tears of grief, sat with me and gave me words of comfort. Not just the clinical words, but words that were from her heart.

There hasn’t been a day that has gone by since Mom and Jo went to be with Jesus that the tears haven’t flowed. Some days they flow less than others, but they still flow.

This morning as the tears were coming down I was reminded of an old song I had sung in church years ago.

           Tears are a Language God Understands

Often you’ve wondered why tears come into your eyes
and burdens seem to be much more than you can stand.
But God is standing near; He sees your falling tears.
Tears are a language God understands.

God sees the tears of a broken-hearted soul.
He sees your tears and hears them when they fall.
God weeps along with man and takes him by the hand
Tears are a language God understands

When grief has left you low, it causes tears to flow.
When things have not turned out the way that you had planned
But God won’t forget you, His promises are true.
Tears are a language God understands.

We can let the tears flow because God is listening and He understands.

Donna Snapp

The Road of Grief

I’ve walked this road before, but this time it’s more difficult to walk. 

The road of grief is a very hard road to travel. Many have or will walk the road of grief sometime in their life.

The meaning of the word grief: keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

For many of you that have followed Jo Ann’s blog you know that for many years Jo and I took care of our mother. Mom had several strokes in her lifetime which paralyzed the left side of her body taking away her ability to walk.

The last six months of Mom’s life she was confined to her bed unable to do anything for herself. We fed her, bathed her and took care of all her needs. Jo Ann and I were very thankful that we were able to do this for Mom.

Mom went to be with Jesus Oct. 29, 2013. It was a sorrowful time that was mixed with the joy of knowing Mom was in heaven able to walk, run and was healed of the damage the strokes had caused.

We were grieving her death, which is normal even when you know someone is with Jesus. We missed hearing her laughter and seeing her beautiful blue eyes. Still grieving the loss of Mom the unthinkable happened. On November 29, 2013 exactly 30 days from the day Mom went to be with Jesus Jo Ann joined Mom in heaven.

Returning home after running a few errands I walked into the house and found Jo Ann on the floor next to the dining table. She was already blue and not breathing. My efforts to revive her were useless. Through tears and shock I called 911.

I can’t fully explain the shock I was feeling. The 911 dispatcher had me go and sit on the front porch to wait for the ambulance. When I stood to get the attention of the ambulance driver I felt like I was going to fall to the ground. It seemed as if all the strength had gone out of my body. By the grace of God I was able to stand and directed the ambulance driver to the house.

The paramedics could do nothing to help Jo Ann she was already with Jesus. The sheriff who had arrived at the same time as the ambulance called the coroner.

I called my Pastor, who with his wife and daughter came quickly to my house. I called my family in Indiana and California. My neighbors came over as soon as they saw the ambulance at the house.

The next few days were busy with making the necessary arrangements.

The funeral being over we each had to go back to our everyday lives, each one of us walking our road of grief.

Grief comes in waves. I think I’m doing okay and then it hits me. The tears begin to flow and the pain is so intense. I cry out to God, soon I feel his warm embrace.

I’m learning the road of grief is a long road with a lot of unexpected twist and turns. On this road I have felt disbelief, discouragement, anger, uncertainty and many other emotions. I have even been jealous that Mom and JoAnn are in heaven having a great time and I’m here feeling all this sadness.

One of my neighbors said to me “God will not give you all his grace at one time, but he will give it to you as you need it”. How true this statement has been to me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

May God comfort and help everyone that is walking the Road of Grief.

Donna Snapp